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Right-wing shock jock Lou Dobbs has always struck me as a very perceptive man. He’s like those detectives you see in movies who see a crime scene and instantly know whodunnit and just need to prove it.

Except he’s better.

He don’t need proof. Proof is a tool of the trial lawyer lobby, one of the biggest donators to the Democratic Party.

So when someone fired a bullet at Lou Dobbs’ house, he instantly knew who the culprit was: immigrants.

A less astute person might have weighed up the facts for and against, all the possible suspects. For instance, a reasonable person in Lou’s position might have considered the following facts:

(1) Lou lives in one of the most crime-ridden countries in the world because it is unconstitutional to ban giving rocket launchers to the ‘militia’. And by militia, I mean people. Any people.

(2) Lou lives in a hunting reserve

(3) the bullet came from a hunting rifle

(4) the bullet was aimed at a brick wall and not a window

You see, that’s the problem with the reasonable person test – it doesn’t account for those with superlative minds, like Lou Dobbs. It is a well-known fact that Guns Don’t Kill People, People Kill People. And what type of people kill people? Immigrants.

I mean look, there are clearly many groups of people who are vile and abhorrent to society. But illegal immigrants are estimated to number 13 million. That’s almost 4% of the population of the US. Which means they are marginally more likely to kill you than my second suspect class – homosexuals, who thankfully only make up 2-3% of the US population.

Hunters come nowhere near that number (despite their influence on Congress). Besides, hunters are such nice people they could never kill. Humans, that is. They could never kill humans.

I mean the only fact we need to know is this. Lou Dobbs’ assassin was dumb. In trying to kill his wife, he didn’t shoot through the large clear glass windows at her, or at Lou. He shot a wall. Only an idiot would expect to be able to assasinate someone through a wall, or someone grossly uneducated about guns. In other words, an immigrant. Or a Democrat.

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