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They laughed when I first advocated that corporations were real people. Oh how they laughed, and their ridicule stung me to my core. But the justice of my cause sustained me. I persevered, as Geppetto persevered when they told him a wooden puppet could never be a real boy. They told him, if you want to indulge your childish fantasies, you should join the Catholic Church. Oh how he showed them.

Now, the most dangerous branch of the US government, the United States Supreme Court, has given me the nod. Citizens United v Federal Election Commission, following precedent from 1886 , is about to declare Corporations people under the US Constitution. God bless Thomas Jefferson, Antonin Scalia and the other Founding Fathers. Only they could declare corporations people, give them free speech, include the right to donate money as part of free speech, and overturn bipartisan electoral reform laws like McCain-Feingold.

My campaign has even gotten the Colbert bump:—let-freedom-ka-ching

When respected journalists like Stephen Colbert join the campaign to make corporations real people, who can possibly stop us? Oh America, land of the free, how I envy thee. In Australia, my argument must be based on statutory construction so corporations are subject to the tyranny of the will of Parliament. (Of course, corporations aren’t the only ones to be discriminated against. The High Court has also ruled that Judges are not ‘people’ – Wilson v Minister for Aboriginal Affairs. They did however, concede that Aborigines are people. But also held that the Constitution empowered the Commonwealth Parliament to discriminate against them.) Only in America could the Constitution overrule the collective wisdom of 100 senators and make corporations real people. Just like Pinocchio.


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