So, this morning I discovered that for once I had some free time, so maybe I could get around to sleeping, or maybe doing that homework I just discovered that I have. Alas no. Instead, I have definitive proof that America is now run by communist cadres masquarading as large companies. You know of course who to blame- Che Guerrero, the mass murderer and T-shirt mogul. They celebrate Che Day here at UCSD. How ridiculous is that? And there’s a co-op Che Cafe in the southern part of campus, which doesn’t serve vegetarian food. Only vegan food. God shrieve our souls.

So what proof do I have that the greatest nation on Earth is falling into disarray (aside from Dub-ya’s “election”) First, I have lost 4 packages so far, and only received one. And that one package was international… the others were all local SD. WTF? Amazon sent me two packages, the website tells me they arrived last Friday and last Monday. I have received no notification either by e-mail, or by mailbox of such packages. I go to the Residential Life office, and phone the Mailing Services. They have absolutely no record of any packages. They search a little more. They find a record of the package I already received, but still no sign of the first two packages.

Then my laptop and printer/scanner from Frys Electronics. I check the website, status: “processing request.” I bloody bought the thing a week ago. I phone them up. It turns out they’d been waiting for me to scan then e-mail ID to them since I used a foreign credit card. Why? They never bloody notified me that they weredelaying sending. I’m buying my bloody scanner from you tools. How am I meant to scan it? So I get them to charge my American debit card, and demand that they ship it to me immediately, and that they pay shipping costs. She has to talk to a supervisor, leaving me on hold for twenty minutes. In fact, so long that my phone disconnects automatically. I phone back, and she’s gone off to lunch. Then I get a phone call back, and it turns out they can’t input my billing address properly because its a mailbox and I have to run home and find a Bank of America statement to find out exactly how to write my billing address. But at least I got free shipping.

Speaking of my Bank of America card, where the hell is it? I opened the account on Sept 17. It’s meant to arrive 3-5 business days from when its finished processing (Sept 22). Its now bloody October. So yesterday I went to yell at Bank of America who had the nerve to tell me that it was actually 10 business days. They eventually cancelled the first card, and issued me a temporary card whilst my second card is sent to me. We all know that it will go the way of the Mary Celeste.
How the hell did a country whose businesspeople are this incompetent ever become the economic powerhoues of the world? They should take a queue from us Australians. We walk into meetings for ten minutes, become liaisons to committees with fancy names like the Council of Organisations, or get invited to lunch with CEOs of investment banks. Why do I even need a degree? Pfft, attend 5 minutes of a interview and I’m in.

Efficiency is embedded in the Australian culture. Some think we just drink the day away. But what do we do whilst drinking “Fosters” all day? We multi-task. We can feed crocodiles and rear children at the same time. In fact, little Bob Irwin got his first “take your son to work day” at the age of 1. The word “Good” may be replaced by G’. We don’t need to remember names, just call everyone “mate”. Not quite the laidback stereotype everyone thinks of Aussies as.

But we do love our beer and our beaches. That’s why I’m moving to Canada.